Silence is NOT golden

The office is unbelievably quiet for open plan. It is quite unsettling for me and makes me feel like I am being watched, if I do something wrong or make a slight noise someone will pounce and tell me off! So, when it comes to my mid-morning apple-eating ritual I feel like the noise eating the apple makes is too loud. Maybe that is why my colleague felt the need to comment? She made another comment the other day too but I managed to ignore her.

I like to work in a friendly environment with a bit of background noise and the odd bit of talking here and there but that rarely happens here. Maybe that is why the days drag SO much. I work more efficiently if I don’t feel like I am being watched and when I am in a more relaxed atmosphere. It is VERY uptight here. I also need distractions at work, things to take my mind away from food. Yesterday, for example, I spent the majority of my day browsing menus and planning what I would eat if I was going to binge. I did all this in between working on the odd letter here and there - my boss is in meetings a lot of the time and because I am still relatively new I have to wait for her to be around to check things even though it is hardly rocket science but it gets really frustrating when I am forever waiting for someone else to approve something before I can do the next thing on my list. Plus, it makes for a very dull day. Anyway, getting back to my favourite/worst subject: food. I love planning ahead to a binge and deciding the kinds of things I want to include, the “forbidden” foods, the calorific and sugar-laden treats. I can spend hours doing this until eventually I either have to binge or I have to get away from my computer. At work, this is SO easy for me to do and not good. Although, I am hoping maybe I will get bored of it. It is such an obsession now and I am trying desperately not to do it but when all that you can think about is food and good/bad foods it is SO hard.

So far today, I have looked at one menu and selected 3 different meal choices:

1. The healthiest and only option I can cope with if having to eat with others.
2. The most calorific and “naughtiest” option for a time when I want to binge afterwards.
3. What I would actually order if I could cope with choosing what I wanted rather than what is the healthiest/lowest fat.

I am hoping to try and curb the menu-surfing so once in the first hour of being at work is quite good for me, I will try my hardest not to succumb to many more. Today, at least.