We spent one of our therapy sessions going over body image and how our own perspective of ourselves is often distorted and not how others see us. Sufferers of bulimia always focus on the negative and never the positive.
This session has changed a few things for me. Admittedly it didn’t during the therapy, but, afterwards when working through the “homework” sheet it made me see things much differently.
I had to leave the session early so assumed that our homework was to go through the whole booklet (4 A4 sides) and work through it. So I did. However, at the next group session we were only supposed to complete the back page. I am glad I did the whole thing as I don’t think I would have managed the final page very well if I hadn’t. Basically, the 2 homework exercises were to firstly list 5 things you like about your appearance and secondly 5 things you like about yourself not related to your appearance (e.g. personality). You were allowed to ask a friend/relative if you got stuck but, seeing as I was doing the worksheet at work I couldn’t! What enabled me to do it was the fact that on the previous page it was all about body functions (e.g. I like me legs as they enable me to walk). This REALLY made me view my body in a completely different light. It made me see that without body functions I take for granted (and abuse) I am very limited in what I can do. I have already had a lot of health problems over the years and I know that some of them could have been avoided or not been as bad if I hadn’t been abusing myself in this way. Now, I am NOT going to dwell on this because what is done is done. However, I AM going to keep it at the back of my mind and use it to make sure I don’t inflict any more health problems on myself which are in my control.
Since Friday’s session in which I broke down when talking about this (my Dad lost both his legs before he died…I still have mine) I have been much more positive, enjoyed the weekend and consciously been eating a lot better. Subsequently, I haven’t even wanted to binge. I know I probably will have a few more “wobbles” as that is all part of recovery but I really believe these are going to become less and less and eventually STOP.
First off though a foot operation on 5th March…
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Reflecting
So, today would have been my Dad’s 75th birthday and instead of feeling sad, I am reflecting on the past and remembering the GOOD times and not dwelling on the bad.
Recently, I really think I may have turned a corner. After the whole Christmas/New Year debacle I was on a massive downer and really thought I was failing and that the battle was too far gone. I started to believe I was destined to suffer from bulimia forever and had resigned myself to it. Or so I thought. It was only after suffering a complete meltdown on the husband the other week which enabled me to phone my doctor (on the advice of a friend) and pour my heart out to him. Being honest and getting everything off my chest as I was starting to think the group therapy was triggering me more than it was helping and that I needed a different form of help. He then decided he would phone one of the psychologists from the group and request a 1:1 after the following session. The relief I felt after the phone call was immense and that, itself helped me to have a much better week. Friday’s session came and I cried in it after realising something very important (more on that later) and then I went to my 1:1 where the psychologist made me see that I AM making progress and it is natural to get slightly worse before you get better as you are essentially stripping everything you’ve known for the past however many years and starting again. After the 1:1 I had a massive “blow-out” and felt awful but it help me re-focus and realise it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I had been dreading the weekend as friends were staying and it would literally be a weekend focussed on eating and drinking. However, I survived. AND I enjoyed it. I then had a long and lovely phone call with a dear, dear friend which made me realise just how far I have come and made me really start to BELIEVE that I can do this and I WILL recover.
I know I am probably still in the first part of the journey and it won’t be easy, but, having re-focussed on things I want to get better and I want to enjoy EVERY weekend (and the weeks too!) without constantly stressing about food.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill
Recently, I really think I may have turned a corner. After the whole Christmas/New Year debacle I was on a massive downer and really thought I was failing and that the battle was too far gone. I started to believe I was destined to suffer from bulimia forever and had resigned myself to it. Or so I thought. It was only after suffering a complete meltdown on the husband the other week which enabled me to phone my doctor (on the advice of a friend) and pour my heart out to him. Being honest and getting everything off my chest as I was starting to think the group therapy was triggering me more than it was helping and that I needed a different form of help. He then decided he would phone one of the psychologists from the group and request a 1:1 after the following session. The relief I felt after the phone call was immense and that, itself helped me to have a much better week. Friday’s session came and I cried in it after realising something very important (more on that later) and then I went to my 1:1 where the psychologist made me see that I AM making progress and it is natural to get slightly worse before you get better as you are essentially stripping everything you’ve known for the past however many years and starting again. After the 1:1 I had a massive “blow-out” and felt awful but it help me re-focus and realise it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I had been dreading the weekend as friends were staying and it would literally be a weekend focussed on eating and drinking. However, I survived. AND I enjoyed it. I then had a long and lovely phone call with a dear, dear friend which made me realise just how far I have come and made me really start to BELIEVE that I can do this and I WILL recover.
I know I am probably still in the first part of the journey and it won’t be easy, but, having re-focussed on things I want to get better and I want to enjoy EVERY weekend (and the weeks too!) without constantly stressing about food.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill
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