Reflecting

So, today would have been my Dad’s 75th birthday and instead of feeling sad, I am reflecting on the past and remembering the GOOD times and not dwelling on the bad.

Recently, I really think I may have turned a corner. After the whole Christmas/New Year debacle I was on a massive downer and really thought I was failing and that the battle was too far gone. I started to believe I was destined to suffer from bulimia forever and had resigned myself to it. Or so I thought. It was only after suffering a complete meltdown on the husband the other week which enabled me to phone my doctor (on the advice of a friend) and pour my heart out to him. Being honest and getting everything off my chest as I was starting to think the group therapy was triggering me more than it was helping and that I needed a different form of help. He then decided he would phone one of the psychologists from the group and request a 1:1 after the following session. The relief I felt after the phone call was immense and that, itself helped me to have a much better week. Friday’s session came and I cried in it after realising something very important (more on that later) and then I went to my 1:1 where the psychologist made me see that I AM making progress and it is natural to get slightly worse before you get better as you are essentially stripping everything you’ve known for the past however many years and starting again. After the 1:1 I had a massive “blow-out” and felt awful but it help me re-focus and realise it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I had been dreading the weekend as friends were staying and it would literally be a weekend focussed on eating and drinking. However, I survived. AND I enjoyed it. I then had a long and lovely phone call with a dear, dear friend which made me realise just how far I have come and made me really start to BELIEVE that I can do this and I WILL recover.

I know I am probably still in the first part of the journey and it won’t be easy, but, having re-focussed on things I want to get better and I want to enjoy EVERY weekend (and the weeks too!) without constantly stressing about food.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill