As I have said previously I find work a struggle. Trying to be “normal” when inside I am far from it. I always wish the day away, count every hour sometimes every half hour depending how much I am struggling. I can’t concentrate on things and my attention span is virtually non-existent. The actual work itself generally gets done but it never interests me, I can never lose myself in it as my mind is always elsewhere. The thing is though, however much I hate being at work constantly fighting if I am off-work unless I am busy I have too much time to think and too many opportunities to binge. It is a no-win situation. No matter where I am at the moment I would always rather be somewhere else but yet my mind and the thoughts follow me wherever I go so there is no escape :-( I feel trapped, even when I am being “good”.
I have tried many times to make a fresh start with a more positive attitude, try a different approach but the problem never goes away. Running away is a short-term solution because inevitably the real issues catch up with you.
7th September can’t come soon enough and yet I know I can’t rely too much on this date as this will only be the start of the tough journey ahead…
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