"Normal"

I had a “normal” weekend. Went to stay with friends and had a lovely time. However, I was SO distracted fighting with my head all the time. Trying to reason that eating “normally” was ok and I wasn’t going to wake up on Monday the size of a whale. Being surrounded by friends the whole time meant there wasn’t an opportunity to do anything anyway and also meant I had to eat. It didn’t stop the thoughts of wanting to binge overnight while everyone else was asleep but luckily tiredness took over and I was fine.

I am ridiculously tired now though which never helps, makes the fight so much harder and the urge to binge so much greater. So far I haven’t succumbed to it but at the back of my mind I feel like each minute, hour, day that goes by is just delaying the inevitable to a later date. At the moment I am so determined that I feel strong enough to keep going but it is so draining and I am miserable and distracted ALL the time. I can barely concentrate on anything and even when I am reading my mind is thinking about food.

However, I WILL keep going. I want my life back and to be able to enjoy things again without fearing the next meal and then stressing and panicking for hours after it.