Today I feel HUGE. I feel like I have eaten way too much over the weekend and, as a result, put on a ton of weight. I feel bloated, disgusting and damn right horrible. I know it is irrational and stupid but I can’t stop the thoughts. It is making eating anything today very difficult. The worse thing about it is I have had a lovely weekend. Just what I needed, the right balance of relaxing with my husband and also catching up with very good friends and yet today I woke up feeling HORRIBLE. I can’t stop the thoughts, feeling fat and not wanting to eat.
I feel like since the build up to my appointment and getting it out of the way last week, I am now completely falling apart and losing the control I have been fighting so hard to keep. I can’t get the thought that I was the fattest person in the waiting room out of my head either, that I am a fraud who doesn’t deserve help and I need to get worse to prove I do have a problem. The thoughts are driving me mad today, I want to shut my eyes and make the world stop. Being tired today isn’t helping my motivation either.
Work, of course, doesn’t help. My boss is on a diet which is nice, but I don’t care. Harsh but true. It is a colleague’s birthday so there are more cakes, luckily not near me though. I have been invited to the pub for lunch, I declined. I simply cannot handle it AND I would have to stay here an hour longer. No thanks. I feel like it is an endless reference to food and eating and all I want to do is forget about it!!
And breathe.
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