Come down

On a bit of a come down today, being tired isn’t helping either. Have had a really busy week and feel a bit lost now that the plans I have been looking forward to for ages are over. I saw one of my closest friends this week for the first time in over a year. She moved to New Zealand nearly 5 years ago and is back over in the UK for a week for a conference. It has been SO good to see her and makes me realise just how much I miss her. I just wish that in 5 years I had rid myself of my demons. However, I am determined not to dwell on this and to use it as more motivation to work hard to get better. Maybe then, I can start saving and focussing on going over to Auckland to visit her. I should save a fair bit of money once I stop the binges so could put this in a travel fund, use it as an incentive to beat this illness.

Also, this week I have been to London to see Shrek, it was amazing and I absolutely loved it. I went with a dear friend of mine and we spent the rest of the day catching up. It was great and I had been looking forward to it for ages. But, like my other friend’s visit, that is now over.

To be honest, I feel a bit deflated and down. I have a very quiet weekend planned, spending it with my lovely husband, and, by the looks of it enjoying the weather! I am really looking forward to it as I love spending time just me and him and it is something we haven’t been able to do for too long but I just feel sad today. Sad and drained. I really hope I can snap out of it by the time I get home as I really don’t want to ruin the weekend for us both, I want to make the most of it. However, I am scared I won’t be able to cheer up (through absolutely no fault of my husbands) and will be miserable all weekend wasting the chance for us to enjoy each other’s company, just the two of us. I really don’t want to do that as I put him through enough already and I know how much he has been looking forward to a weekend off, some quality time together. I want nothing more than to make him happy, but first I need to make me happy and the way I feel at the moment it seems like mission impossible.