On hold

Life has been on hold for the last few weeks and now my first therapy session is just 2 days away. I wish I could say my bingeing has been on hold too and that the reason for my absence is because I have made a miraculous recovery on my own. Ha! I wish. No, it is the same old, food and eating ruling my everyday and I have good days as well as bad days. I didn’t want to keep repeating myself on here as I might as well copy and paste a few of my previous posts after a slip up. However, in 2 days time I start my long and hard recovery. I have days when I am so determined to beat this I just want to get stuck into the therapy and get cracking but I also have days when I am so scared I am not strong enough that I will try and fail again. I also have days where I don’t want to get better; I don’t want to imagine life without my demons. They are security, my default coping mechanism. However, I know to be able to truly enjoy life again I HAVE to beat this. I MUST put 110% into this otherwise there is no point in me even starting the therapy. I know it will be the hardest thing I will ever do but if, no WHEN I finally beat this it will be the best thing I have ever done.