Why?

Why do I care so much what others think? Why am I so hung up on not putting on weight and yet know that I need to in order for my body to function properly? Why does it matter so much? Why can't I just be happy to be alive? I have an amazing husband, a gorgeous dog, a beautiful house, fantastic family and yet I am not happy. Why? I wish I knew the answer, I wish I could just relax and be satisified with what I have got rather than stressing and worrying about what is missing. I always focus on the negative and dwell on the bad stuff yet I don't know why. I HATE feeling so shit most of the time and yet I can't seem to get over it no matter how hard I try. Maybe that is the problem, I'm trying too hard.

I wish I knew the answer and could fix it. What is best? Who knows? Least of all me at the moment. However, I WILL not stop until I find out.